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OT: I really need this board's help right now

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beams8star

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Jul 28, 2009
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I know some posters have not gotten along with me on here recently, but please take me seriously here. I need advice and the board to be there for me right now.

I have been dating this girl for almost 3 years. She calls me this morning crying and says she is on her way to my house cause she needs to tell me something. She comes over and tells me this past weekend that she hooked up with one of my friends while i was out of town. I was shocked more than anything. She goes on telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me etc. etc. She is crying the whole time. After about 45 minutes i told her i need some time to think about things. I know it is gay i am coming to a message board about this, but it is embarrassing and i dont want to talk about it with any of my friends cause it sucks and I dont know what they will say.

I have been saving up for a ring the past couple of months. So this comes as a huge shock to me. I would rather not go into much more detail. So do I trust her when she says it will never happen again or do i leave her behind. If any of you have been through this or know of anyone who has any advice would help me out at this time.
 
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Stop saving for the ring thats for sure. Not trying to ber a dick, but come on. I would not be with her after that.
 
Tough call

Im sorry this has happened to you. You should be at least a little encouraged that she came and told you.

For every Leopard who does change their spots their are 2 that dont. Its a big risk. It depends on if you are willing to take the risk or not. I will say this. I know for a fact some people can change. ME and my wife have been through it. And I know its not happening now... cause I was the one who did it. We have been married 20 years since all that. Thank God for the anonymity of message boards - Good luck to you!
 
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Hooked up? Is that getting drunk and kissing or did your friend lay the wood.

Either way I would ditch both of em. That's a s$*tty friend use the money u saved on the ring to wine and dine the next girl. Or buy a lot more beams 8 star...hell I'll come drink with ya haha.
 
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dude drop her, i know it sucks and it will hurt for a while but drop her. You can say that you forgive her and she can say that she will never do it again but it will always be in your mind that she did that to you and will eventually lead to either of you resenting the other. End it now.
 
First thing I would do is have a talk with the friend. Then I would find a new friend. As for her that is just something I would never really tell someone what to do . You have to follow your heart and your own judgement for yourself. But I have always been told "Once a cheater always a cheater".
 
Dump her and your friend. You'll thank me a few years from now. Some friends just become acquaintances the farther along in life you go and girlfriends can be replaced even easier. It will always be in the back of your head what she did and it will only make you unhappy. She can't have her cake and eat it too! Always remember, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
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You probably don't want to hear this but people don't change. Has she done this before with you? If you don't know, now is the time to ask. Also, if you know someone she has dated before ask them if she cheated on them. As a good gesture to the board take the money you've saved and throw a huge party in the Grove pregame for the BYU game.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
Also if she can do that with your friend think of how easily she will be able to do that to you with a stranger.
 
hey bro

nobody can truly say "once a cheat always a cheat" because thier are those people (usually females) that do it for wierd reasons once and don't ever do it again.

but here's the deal Paul:
- you have way too much invested in this relationship to have it scarred with something like this before you take it to the Altar.

Do the big-boy move and understand that there is a girl cooler, more fun, and yes, even hotter, that is digging you right now because you are going to be a man and tell your ex-fiance to quietly GET LOST>

hope this helps.


feel free to email for play-by-play or procedure verification.

david@davidhedrickllc.com


-d
 
Better now than when you're married. Do you really want to take a chance on it happening again once you marry her? This is not a good way to enter into marriage.
 
Been there, done that. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. No matter how much you forgive her, that seed has been permanently planted in your mind, and as long as you are with her, it will always be there. The circle of trust has been broken...you can't unring a bell. As Christians we can forgive, but as humans we never forget. We don't have to agree on everything on this board, but I don't wish your circumstance on anyone. Hate it for ya bud.

1. Break it off with her, permanently
2. Beat the sh*t out of your friend
3. Nurse him back to health.
4. Beat the sh*t out of him again.

And as much as it hurts, start dating again immediately. And by dating, I mean bang everything in sight. My old man used to say, the quickest way to get over one woman, is to get inside another. Truer words were never spoken.
 
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I hate to say this, but in most cases you should cut and run. "Hooking up" when you are in a long-term dating relationship is different from having an affair when you are married, but in all honesty it is not THAT much different. My concern would be that something like this (or worse) happens further down the road (after you are married). At that point, things are a lot messier, especially if you have kids (believe me, I know). At the very least, you need to cool it with her for awhile, and by "awhile" I mean at least until the Rebs win another bowl game. If there is still something there by that time, you might consider exploring it, but my $$$ says you'll find someone else better in that timeframe. Take the high road... Last but not least...get rid of the "friend" for sure...
 
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Originally posted by beams8star:
I know some posters have not gotten along with me on here recently, but please take me seriously here. I need advice and the board to be there for me right now.

I have been dating this girl for almost 3 years. She calls me this morning crying and says she is on her way to my house cause she needs to tell me something. She comes over and tells me this past weekend that she hooked up with one of my friends while i was out of town. I was shocked more than anything. She goes on telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me etc. etc. She is crying the whole time. After about 45 minutes i told her i need some time to think about things. I know it is gay i am coming to a message board about this, but it is embarrassing and i dont want to talk about it with any of my friends cause it sucks and I dont know what they will say.

I have been saving up for a ring the past couple of months. So this comes as a huge shock to me. I would rather not go into much more detail. So do I trust her when she says it will never happen again or do i leave her behind. If any of you have been through this or know of anyone who has any advice would help me out at this time.
Click to expand...

My wife is still with my worthless ass after I did wrong. I didn't have the guts to tell her either. She found out by text message from said woman.

Like you, I wasn't married when I did this. In fact, it was 5 months before our wedding. I'm a lucky she gave me a chance to change.

You need to do some soul searching. Take a break from her(definitely the wedding my friend). See how she responds and how hard she tries to make things right.

Also...
She came to you and told you the truth. She F'ed up bad, but she had the guts to tell you to your face. That's RARE. At the very least, you know she'll tell you if it ever happens again. If you really love someone, it's hard to give up on them after one mistake. Pride aside of coarse.
 
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This post was edited on 5/26 2:30 AM by BornRebel
 
I agree with the others it would be hard for me to take her back, but I am not you and I am not in that situation. I think it is best for you to sit down and pray and deicide what is best for you. Do what your heart tells you is right. I would talk with the friend and see what he says the situation was and compare it to her story and see how much I believed and just pray and make my own mine up. It is your life so the decision is yours and you pay the price if it is wrong but you gain the rewards if it is right.
 
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You have invested alot of time and money with her so i know you are taking it pretty hard. Take her back then do the same to her. Then leave it at that, you don't need to worry what she doing while she out.
 
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the only reason she was honest...

is b/c she hooked up with your friend, which pus her far more likely to get caught!

I'd take the money and do something better with it and dump the chick...

The marriage you are saving up for won't be worth a crap b/c you won't ever be able to completely forgive and forget...as you shouldn't. I firmly believe that one of the main reasons my marriage (I'm only 29, been married 6 years) is so great, is b/c crap like you are dealing with has never even been remotely an issue with her. You are about to enter the chitty world if you ask me...

You need a new friend too...
 
1) First and foremost drop everyting you are doing right now and go beat the !@#$ out of your "friend".

2) As many have pointed out, "once a cheater always a cheater", but people do change and this may have just been a onetime royal screw up by her, and at least she had the guts to tell you. I've always said said if they will cheat once, they will do it again. Time to do some soul searching my friend and definitely hold off on the marriage.

3) Repeat Step 1.
 
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You will want to stay with her because you obviously care about this chick but you are blinded by that. There have been several times that I look back and wish I had listen to people who were obviously right. If you dont drop this girl when she does something stupid like this again you will wish you had listen to all these people saying the same thing. Dont listen to your heart or your dick. Listen to your head and do what you deep down you know you should. Drop her and dont look back.
 
Re: Drop her right now, completely. Cheating is a disease.

Love is blind but don't base this decision on emotion. Do what is logical.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
From a woman's point of view: If you honestly love her and believe she is sincere in her apology give it another chance. Do not - and I repeat - do not get engaged until she has proven herself to you for at least a year. Leopards do change their spots, but more often than not, they revert to their old habits. If this happens again though, I don't think she'll tell you about it. If you can live with never trusting her or always wondering in the back of your mind if she's truly changed go for it. You know her better than we do. Will she really change or think she got away with it once, why not try it again?

Now for you men on here that have cheated on your wives, why? Was a "fling" or one night stand worth destroying your wife's self esteem, having your kids think cheating is ok? Or the possibility of passing along a sexually transmitted disease worth it? As far as I know, my husband hasn't cheated on me, but if he did when we had children at home or young, I may have given him a second chance, but now with no one to worry about but myself, I would kick him to the curb and take everything I could get my hands on :)
 
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guys i really appreciate the advice. I am having a really hard time with this to say the least. Some of yall are telling me to go out and hook up with others girls as soon as possible, but would that make me look like a D-bag to other girls that know me???
 
I'm with stillabeliever and his old man on this one... Its obvious by her actions that your girl isn't nearly as serious about the relationship as you are.
 
Re: Drop her right now, completely. Cheating is a disease.

Everyone here is pretty much right though. A very small percentage of people change.

If you're worried about trust issues, you're screwed either way. Anyone who's ever been cheated on knows the trust issues don't end with her. It takes time.

Again.... End things for a while, and see what happens.
 
Lots of women out there. It's hard to trust after something like this has happened and of all people to do it with, your friend. That my friend is a slap in the face. Also, sounds like you need to find a new buddy. Her loss. Not yours.
 
You need to take a break from each other at a minimum. Also, I would ask her to go to her doctor and make sure she has a clean bill of health if the act was not protected if you know what I mean.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
I feel like I could provide some decent insight into this topic, given that I was the cheater in my situation. Unfortunately, I'm on my iPhone so it would take me forever to type it all out. I'll leave my (likely) worthless thoughts later today when I can use the laptop.
 
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