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OT: I really need this board's help right now

For some strange reason at a young age, a lot of girls like to play games. But I have seen it more than once and it has been done by me too, that if you are an a-hole to a girl then they tend to cling to you. I broke up with a girl who I was nice to and towards the end she was becoming a bitch. After that I hooked up with others and was an asshole to her and then I couldn't get rid of her. Play the game until you're ready to move past all that and you find one that isn't into it either. If you break some hearts you'll always have women around you. They say they hate you, but they never leave you alone. Go figure, but I found during my younger days they relate to it well. I get the feeling they think they can change you. They must think you're a pushover at that age if you're nice, but they don't appreciate nice guys until they're older. Until then it's a challenge to change you, so they tend to try and hold on to what isn't there. Go have fun, you're only young once and should have a date for every day of the week.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
Not at all. Break up with her first. Give her all her crap from your place, get all your crap from her place. Make sure you get everything in ONE TRIP. She will purposely leave stuff behind as an excuse to come back over. Make the break, then start plowing. Plow all day, plow all night. Plow em big, plow em small, plow em fat, plow em tall. After about the 7th or 8th one, you'll just get numb for a while, then want to take a break, then you'll feel like actually dating again and having conversations. Who cares what her friends think about you. If they are true friends, they will be pissed at her anyway but I doubt it. Chicks are notorious for rationalizing why they cheated to their girlfriends (who you thought were YOUR friends too) and then get support from them. "Oh, he was so distant or oh, i didn't feel loved." Whatever. A commitment is a commitment and there is no excuse for her betrayal. If one of my buddies told me he cheated on his girl of 3 years, I'd put my foot in his ass and set him straight, because that's what real friends do.
 
actually, tell her the only way you will feel better is if you can get with one of her friends, let the shopping commence
 
Give her a shot...u can always dump her later.
grin.gif
 
I joke on here a good bit, but I'm dead serious about this...

If you're really considering marrying this girl like you say you are, then you really need to pray about this. I'm not just paying lip service to this either. If you're not used to doing this, it may sound silly, feminine, or foolish. It's not. I'm not going to sit here and blow sunshine at you and tell you if pray, everything's going to be just fine. Just ask for discernment and wisdom and see what happens.

Also, I'd get with your pastor or someone who you really trust. Ideally, this person isn't a friend but someone who's leadership and opinion you really trust. Just tell them where you are and ask for their take. You might be surprised at their perspective.

Bottom line, you don't need to either dump her or take her back immediately. You're talking about making a decision that could very well affect the rest of your life here. Let the sting wear off a bit, seek out wise spiritual counsel, and spend some time in prayer about it. Move slowly, be intentional, and then trust your decision.

I wish you the best.
 
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I had a buddy who went through something similar. He was down and out for 2 months after they broke up. Then he met his wife one random Saturday. Leave her. You will always be worrying if she will do it again. It will drive her crazy and eventually she will. If you don't take our advice on this, take this piece of advice: go to couples counseling. It is cheaper than a divorce.

Also I dint know how old you are but if you are younger than 25, just leave her. I have had a ton of friends who "worked things out" immediately post college to get married. They almost always get divorced. People change and grow right after college. If she's been faithful the whole relationship and suddenly hooks up with your friend, she is already looking around on you. She promises to be faithful from now on because she is conflicted internally. She has invested all this time in your relationship. If she breaks up then in her mind she's been wrong for 3 years. She may have done this and told you hoping you'll do the dirty work and breakup with her.

As far as this "friend" tell everyone you know not to trust him. I had a friend who hooked me up with a girl he knew so he could take out her friend. He got shot down and then started sleeping with my girl behind her back. I told them both to F themselves. I told everyone I knew what they did. Turns out he was a dirtbag to a lot of people. When I came forward and told people, they shared their stories. He doesn't come around anymore.
 
Seriously.....

Drop the bitch and go fishing... You will get over it. Read a couple of Jeff Foxworthy's books to boost you good humor. Trust me - I've been told by more than one marriage counselor that they couldn't help me.
 
Play the game and keep her till you find another but dump the getting married idea. I'd take this as an invitation that I could do what I wanted, keep her as a side dish and look for something else at the same time. Then when you found a better option, dumb the cheatin broad and get even. She will cheat again, she knows she can get away with it and if you keep coming back she knows she can exploit you too.
 
Beam...

Not sure if you're a Christian or not but if you are, you may want to disregard a lot of the advice in this thread. Email me casey.norton@yahoo.com
 
Sometimes you have to be willing to forgive someone, but that doesn't mean forget. If you are honest with yourself the answer will come through prayer. People will always ultimately fail one another. Seventeen years of marriage and speaking from experience.
 
Re: Seriously.....

Divorce rates were lower before "marriage counselors" came along. If you can't communicate and work things out without the help of someone you barely know, then it won't work. My wife and I talk about everything, even if we disagree. At least you know how the other person feels then and you compromise, even if you don't verbally agree to compromise. I'm not a believer in counseling. If you went to counseling every time an issue came up in a marriage it would become your second home. Learn to work problems out yourself and become self-sufficient.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
Break up sex and be sure though you lay the wood, no half assing it. Then go kick the crap out of your friend. Maybe at a public place for embarrassment.
 
You are young from what I can remember from your recent posts. You have plenty of time to find a good woman. The break up will hurt now but not near as bad If this happens later and kids are involved. Run for the hills and don't look back. Take advantage of your youth and the time you have. If you decide to forgive her you should never throw it in her face again. Is that possible for you? Probably not! I'm sorry this happened to you. Relationships can be the best and worst things in life.
Posted from wireless.rivals.com[/URL]
 
My wife says that you should tell her that your are glad she admitted that she cheated on you because you have been hiding something from her as well.....tell her you hooked up with one of her friends a while back. Gauge her reaction and then you'll have your answer.
 
for what it's worth...

I don't think you should go hook up with somebody, not b/c of how you might look, but b/c it won't help.

I also don't necessarily think the girl will cheat again, she might really be truly sorry...

HOWEVER, I do believe she has permanently destroyed a critical part of the bond in a relationship that is necessary for marriage to be worth it. And of course different people see things differently, but I am guessing the fact she feels guilty and you are contemplating leaving means you two fit into my theory. I just don't, based on personal feelings and experiences, feel that your marriage will be worth a crap b/c she has destroyed something that can't be fixed. I honestly think if she really screwed up and won't every do that again, she shoulda kept it to herself! Odd, but that's how I feel...honesty only showed you this bond/relationship isn't the one forever...
 
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Agreed with what one poster said. I tried to date a girl after this happened to me. Anytime she goes out with her friends,you will wonder. Every time she doesn't call you when she says she will, you will wonder. It will drive you insane. Its best to start fresh with someone new after a while.

by the way, the guy she f'ed is not your friend and needs to be curb stomped.
 
Originally posted by pwilly49:
Break up sex and be sure though you lay the wood, no half assing it. Then go kick the crap out of your friend. Maybe at a public place for embarrassment.
Definitely get a serverance pop before you leave.
 
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Let Her Go.

Look, if you're wanting a monogamous relationship & marriage, it will NEVER be successful with this girl.

We all make mistakes, but rarely do we accept them & move forward with our lives with what we've changed.

Has this society come to this point where we are so afraid to be on our own that we have no sense of independence to find what it is we're wanting to share with someone? Seriously...you're not even married yet, and she's screwing a "friend"(that you introduced her to probably)? It's NOT GOING TO WORK! She is not in the place you want her to be in relationship wise. Like someone posted below, she's only being honest because she knows it will be impossible to keep a secret.

There is no level of emotional convincing that can be done to gain trust. There's only what you do within a shared commitment that can be trusted from day to day. That's it. This isn't about forgiving her. This is about YOU.

Are you so co-dependent on this cheating whore that committed to you, and screwed your friend that you won't accept her actions at their value, and move on? Have VALUE IN YOURSELF to find the one your heart is truly looking for, and not forcing it on someone that has fallen short, and cheated with a friend.

If you guys were married, had children, and committed more life & family, this is another situation. You're not there yet no matter what you tell yourself. You're Lucky! You can keep yourself from going through that hell, and having to figure out that scenario.

If you two live together, so what. Find another place. If you share a dog, so what. Get another dog, or take that one with you. Speaking from experience, KNOW when it's time to move on. As painful as this may seem right now, you're only setting yourself up for more & worse pain. From you not trusting, to not trusting her around your friends, to always questioning....the emotional baggage that goes along with this may seem forgivable, but it's just not worth the fight if you haven't committed in marriage.

Make a decision, accept her for what she truly is defined by what she has done, and not how she pleads, cries, and begs. Statistically speaking, she has already done this to you before. This is just a situation she can no longer keep secret. There's no way to trust any absolute truths that she's swearing to you anyway. It's all an emotional plea, and has no honest merit to it.

I fully advise you to drop the slut, make an appointment for your doctor to be tested for STDs/HIV, and re-center your life around yourself. Find your strength through this, and be willing to find someone that you can share a commitment with.

Again, you are lucky. This could be a 100 times worse. If you're looking for spiritual guidance, recognize that God has blessed you with the gift of knowing/showing you what NOT to commit to in His name. Move on. Let her find her own way with herself, and her choices. She'll be back on all fours in no time. Either way, it doesn't concern you anymore. She made that choice. You have to accept it, and now start deciding for YOU. What your heart yearns for in a commitment, you CAN find in the world IF you let her go. If you let it linger, it will effect your choices, confidence, and strain this transition even more.

There is no amount of prayer that will change what has been done. There is no amount of advice that can rule over common sense. There is no amount of emotional desire that can overrule objectivity. Yes, you can forgive her one day. Just do it as a coexisting human being while finding the Right mate you've been searching for.
 
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Re: Seriously.....

Those "counselors" will always be the worst screwed up people you will meet in your entire life - just saying
 
First off, I hate to hear this for you man. This is one of those nightmare situations.

Personally, I have done the forgiveness thing twice with two different ex's. And now they are ex's and you can probably figure out why.

However, one of my best friends just got married a few months ago. He had cheated on her. They were able to work through it. But she made him jump through so many hoops afterwards. And it took her a very long time to rebuild her trust in him. But the point is she did.

The fact that she came to you and confessed, to me, means she cares. I am a huge believer in the power of prayer. It (and He) has led me to my fiance. Pray about it. Like everyone else said, don't necessarily take her back or dump her. Make her show you she is willing to jump through any hoops you give her. Then decide for yourself.

Best of Luck and my prayers are with you.
 
Potentially the second best Rivals thread of all time after the Chronicles of Chad.

Take the money for the ring, buy yourself a really nice new suit and tie, spend every night for the rest of the month in the nearest decent bar honestly telling every girl you meet why you are there. You are an injured young fawn being nursed back to health by lots of strange ass.

As for the girl, no way that works out. Can't be done. Not a good idea to try. It will only hurt you further in the end. She's a slut - kick her to the curb and move one. You'll thank all of us later.
 
Apples to Oranges, Canton. You're talking about believing in the power of prayer by demonstrating it led you to your mate. That has nothing to do with this guy's situation on the front end-him dropping the girl that still tastes like his buddy.

Selfish people do not care! She did not confess because she cares! If she cared, she would not have put herself in a situation to scope out, privately flirt, arrange, fantasize, and then actually go through with Effing the guy's FRIEND! It's not like she tripped, and fell on the guy's dick.

She Does Not Care! Unless she was raped, she placed herself in the environment for this to take place, and it did. There are many more levels of deceit here that she has done well beyond the actual act.

YES, advise prayer! All the way. We have to find peace, sanity, and to stop asking the never answered question of "Why". Many need prayer for that.

Just don't give this guy any false hope when he's not even married to the girl. He hasn't even proposed. They haven't even planned a wedding. She's already working her way through the groomsmen before the wedding is planned? Please.

MAKING someone jump through hoops never works! Accept her for what she is which is defined by what we DO. Accept that she's not being truthful in wanting a monogamous relationship with him even if she emotionally pleads that she does. It's a lie that she fully believes herself, and one she has to figure out alone.

If you make someone be who they are not, it won't work. Simple as that. Mooove On.
 
Re: Let Her Go.

Originally posted by GeorgiaRebz:
Look, if you're wanting a monogamous relationship & marriage, it will NEVER be successful with this girl.

We all make mistakes, but rarely do we accept them & move forward with our lives with what we've changed.

Has this society come to this point where we are so afraid to be on our own that we have no sense of independence to find what it is we're wanting to share with someone? Seriously...you're not even married yet, and she's screwing a "friend"(that you introduced her to probably)? It's NOT GOING TO WORK! She is not in the place you want her to be in relationship wise. Like someone posted below, she's only being honest because she knows it will be impossible to keep a secret.

There is no level of emotional convincing that can be done to gain trust. There's only what you do within a shared commitment that can be trusted from day to day. That's it. This isn't about forgiving her. This is about YOU.

Are you so co-dependent on this cheating whore that committed to you, and screwed your friend that you won't accept her actions at their value, and move on? Have VALUE IN YOURSELF to find the one your heart is truly looking for, and not forcing it on someone that has fallen short, and cheated with a friend.

If you guys were married, had children, and committed more life & family, this is another situation. You're not there yet no matter what you tell yourself. You're Lucky! You can keep yourself from going through that hell, and having to figure out that scenario.

If you two live together, so what. Find another place. If you share a dog, so what. Get another dog, or take that one with you. Speaking from experience, KNOW when it's time to move on. As painful as this may seem right now, you're only setting yourself up for more & worse pain. From you not trusting, to not trusting her around your friends, to always questioning....the emotional baggage that goes along with this may seem forgivable, but it's just not worth the fight if you haven't committed in marriage.

Make a decision, accept her for what she truly is defined by what she has done, and not how she pleads, cries, and begs. Statistically speaking, she has already done this to you before. This is just a situation she can no longer keep secret. There's no way to trust any absolute truths that she's swearing to you anyway. It's all an emotional plea, and has no honest merit to it.

I fully advise you to drop the slut, make an appointment for your doctor to be tested for STDs/HIV, and re-center your life around yourself. Find your strength through this, and be willing to find someone that you can share a commitment with.

Again, you are lucky. This could be a 100 times worse. If you're looking for spiritual guidance, recognize that God has blessed you with the gift of knowing/showing you what NOT to commit to in His name. Move on. Let her find her own way with herself, and her choices. She'll be back on all fours in no time. Either way, it doesn't concern you anymore. She made that choice. You have to accept it, and now start deciding for YOU. What your heart yearns for in a commitment, you CAN find in the world IF you let her go. If you let it linger, it will effect your choices, confidence, and strain this transition even more.

There is no amount of prayer that will change what has been done. There is no amount of advice that can rule over common sense. There is no amount of emotional desire that can overrule objectivity. Yes, you can forgive her one day. Just do it as a coexisting human being while finding the Right mate you've been searching for.

georgiarebz is right. take all of his advice. end this relationship and cut all communication. stillabeliever is right about her getting all of her shit and you getting all of yours at one time too. she will use that as an excuse to make contact with you. you need to make a list of everything you have and a list of everything of hers you have that needs to be returned. if you realize you left something behind down the road just let it go.

i strongly suggest taking an std test like georgiarebz suggested too. it will clear up your mind before you get involved with someone else. i went through what youre going through a while back. the only difference is that your girlfriend told the truth. i found out another way. like they said though, she is probably just telling you because she knows she will be caught.

you dont want to deal with this down the road. youre not married. she's just a waste of your time at this point if you continue to date her because the relationship eventually will end anyway.
 
Trust me Georgia, I'm with you on this one. I lean far more towards the cant be fixed side of this situation. Just wanted to state that the other side is possible too.
 
Dude, it will always be on the back of your mind

if you take her back. Unfortunately its over my friend, for your friend and your girlfriend. You need to give her a Dirty Sanchez on your way out though.
 
You're going to get a ton of ideas, but be careful about which ones you listen to. Your situation is always going to be different than anything that any of us have been through.

My brother-in-law cheated on his wife and she took him back but I don't think she really forgave him, and now their relationship is completely based on the fact that she thinks she can have whatever she wants simply because he cheated on her years ago. I understand that your situation isn't the same, but the moral of the story is that it's impossible for them to have a relationship based on trust and the same goes for you and your girl. Once that's gone, it's gone and it ain't coming back. While you can forgive her, there's no forgetting and that's just going to complicate things going forward. FWIW.
 
Exactly, but she has shown her worth. Now, his choices will show his.

If this guy is concerned about opinions, what shared friends think, looking bad to others if he chases ass...he has no hope of praying for what he actually needs in this.

What we really need is acceptance. Yes, this hurts-badly. Accept that it's not embarrassing, but happens every day all over the world. So, who cares what other people think. They are sitting on their own beds crying afraid of everyone else too.

Accept that this girl has shown him through her actions the level of commitment & communication she is capable of at this juncture in her life. These actions do not coincide with maintaining a healthy monogamous relationship. It's not my opinion. That's fact.

Everyone says pray. Everyone says chase ass. We all have shared experiences to give advise from to this guy.

It's truly about accepting this New Reality to what your relationship is & was with this girl, and your friend. At the commitment level you are with BOTH of them, it will only cause you more grief & pain to continue sharing your life with them.

Go get tested, and remove them both from your life. It's not about reacting out of anger. It's about accepting the healthiest path. Right Now, this choice will decide where your life can go without dragging these dead weight half ass selfish vampire like insecure relationships along keeping you from finding even more love, trust, and true commitment. Drop the baggage, and you'll accept your pain & grief much quicker than you think. This experience is for you to learn, and move forward from...not hold onto.
 
Re: Dude, it will always be on the back of your mind

She likely got the dirty sanchez from his friend. He should go more for the parting strawberry shortcake.
 
Re: Let me tell you from experience............

if they will do it once, they will do it twice!!!!!!
 
If it was sex then Thank her and tell her to hit the bricks...a kiss can be dealt with but sex is different....might bust my boys nose!
 
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Originally posted by Aaron Garbutt:
You need to PIIHB then break up with her...

WoW, I must be gettin' old. First time I've ever seen that acronym.
This post was edited on 1/26 3:54 PM by Bubba Cav
 
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